A Gloved Apology…Leadership Lessons from the Golf Course

Quick Quiz:  When was the last time you did something – intentional or by mere accident – that required an apology?  More importantly, when is the last time you said “I’m sorry.”?

These two words can be some of the hardest to say; yet they are two words that can work magic in the circles we work, lead and interact.

Pro golfer Phil Mickelson had an encounter recently that created a real leadership moment.  Here’s the quick recap or you can also read the entire story here.

At a recent PGA tournament, Mickelson sent the ball long but left — way, way left. The ball sailed into the gallery and tagged a guy carrying his folding chair to another spot on the course.  As soon as Mickelson learned what happened, he tracked down his “victim”.  And when he finally reached the fan — who apparently was not harmed beyond getting a dimpled bruise — Phil was generous, offering up a signed glove as a token of his apology.

I think we can be sure Mickelson never intended to strike the unsuspecting spectator.  But how he quickly responded holds a lesson in leadership we all need to be reminded of.

Even with good intentions, we sometimes fall short.  As humans, it’s inevitable.  But for effective leaders…those who are intentional in their leadership, opportunities to grow are always taken advantage of.

So, when you mess up (and we all do), how do you respond?  Think about these three questions.  Your responses may spotlight opportunities for a deeper reflection.

  1.  How long has it been since you said “I’m sorry” to another colleague or member o f your team?
  2. Do you have someone in your world who “holds you accountable”?  (that person who doesn’t  enable excuses)
  3. When you know you have wronged someone, how long is the lapse before the apology is made?

 So how do your answers to these questions reflect your leadership effectiveness?

Question One:  Your willingness to utter the words “I’m sorry” indicates a spirit of humility and approachability.   They demonstrate your acknowledgement that you are –as everyone else –simply human.   This phrase tears down “power” barriers with those you lead and can build bridges with those you work alongside every day.

Question Two:  We can be our own worst critic or best excuse maker.  Every leader needs one person in their sphere who they can be 100% honest with.  This person is willing to ask the tough questions and create the accountability to keep us on track.  Sometimes it’s that person who helps us see the need to apologize.  Without them, we can easily fall into our own justification traps.

Question Three:  Timing is everything.  Offering an apology as soon as practical after an indiscretion reduces the potential for the other person to 1) make false assumptions about your behavior, 2) share their experience with other co-workers and 3) destroy trust in you.  While no one is perfect, that sense of a constant “checking” of our behavior and making amends instead of avoiding it and hoping it will be forgotten makes all the difference in maintaining strong relationships. 

 “I’m sorry.”  Two very powerful words.  The question is…are they words in your vocabulary?

“Your raise is effective when you are.”

Harsh title right?  Yes.  But let’s face it.  Isn’t that what you would love to tell employees who nip at your heels continuously looking for a raise?  However, it’s usually not the employee who is a self-starter and exemplary team player who asks that question; but instead the one who exemplifies the exact opposite.

As leaders, how often do we ask the same question?  Because the truth is, our manager has the same message to us.  Effectiveness.  What does that mean? 

One online dictionary defines effectiveness as producing the intended or expected result.  While there are many attributes a leader must possess and demonstrate to produce effectiveness, these four rank at the top of the list:

1.  Eye on the Goal
There is a “finish line” for this leader.  He has a clear vision of where the team, division or organization is going and forges the path to the destination.  This allows a clear focus for the team and most importantly, helps them know what to say “no” to as they pursue the goal.

2. Manage Uncertainty
A new normal exists now. There are no guarantees in market conditions, customer preferences and even employee loyalty.  The ability to navigate uncertainty is critical for the sanity of the leader.  It doesn’t mean he likes it; but he isn’t rattled to the point it stops him from moving forward each day. 

3.  Intentional Conversation
This leader talks.  And it’s not idle chatter.  He is intentional in keeping the team up to speed on its progress to the goal.  Surprises are avoided at all costs.  He has created an environment that encourages questions and multiple feedback loops from every shareholder in the process.

4.  Right Seat on the Bus
Jim Collins’ bestseller “Good to Great” hinges on the importance of alignment of each person’s skill and role on the team.  That means, the effective leader is extremely picky about each hire.  And beyond that, provides the feedback along the way to ensure the right fit continues.  Those crucial conversations include growth and sometimes a difficult decision.  But this leader is willing to step up and make the call, no matter how tough it is.

Four skills that take a lifetime to master. Find someone in your world who is demonstrating these skills (and that may mean four different people).  Study them, learn from them and hone these skills in yourself.  Your effectiveness will multiply.  And that “your raise is effective….” statement will never be an issue.

What are your non-negotiables?

I’m a fairly regular donor for the American Red Cross.  When I was ten years old, I was in a terrible car accident which forced me to need blood.  So, ever since, I give.  Until recently that is.  Here’s how it works.

If you’ve never donated blood, let me fill you in a bit.  Before you can actually give, a series of pre-screening tasks occur – blood pressure, temperature, wellness questions and lastly a hemoglobin test.  They prick your finger to get a small sample and test your blood for the required iron level.  12.5 is the threshold – not a tenth too less.

Well, you guessed it.  Today my level was 12.4.  I was shocked!  In fact, they tested me twice to ensure the reading was correct.  It was and I was denied and asked to try again in a couple of days (along with a few suggestions to get my level up that small degree before trying again).  They gave me a t-shirt for effort and sent me on my way.

As I drove away (a little ticked after driving across town to give), I got to thinking.  I’m glad they have requirements.  For without them, I could have donated blood that could have harmed someone else.  It’s one of their non-negotiables and it makes sense.

That experience made me think.  As a business or ministry professional, what are our non-negotiables?  Common sense, they say, is not so common.  So, if that’s true, could it also be true for those areas or principles we simply won’t budge on…period?

Whether we realize it or not, those who interact with us on a regular basis know what our non-negotiables are.  They know where we draw the line.  How do they know?  We’ve demonstrated that “line” repeatedly in the past.

The real question is:  how “wavy” is my line?

Makes you stop and think because whether realize it or not, when your name comes to mind to those you interact with often, they have a perception of you based on previous action – not the words we have spoken.

So, as I think about it.  What are the non-negotiable principles I stand for – or hope to be known for?   Would  any of these statements ever be made about you?

  • She is a woman of integrity.  Her word counts.  When she says she will do something,  you can count on it…always.
  • You can trust him.  What you say to him in private will never be repeated to anyone else – for any reason, even those closest to him.
  • She will give you honest feedback.  It might not be what you always want to hear, but you can know she has your best interest at heart and wants to help you improve in your job.  Oh…and she’s usually right on target.
  • I know he has my back.  Despite the times I mess up, I know he will never throw me under the bus in front of others.  I think he would take a bullet for me.

Those statements are never made about someone who “sometimes” lives by non-negotiables.  It’s consistency built over time.

So, I was denied today to donate blood.  That’s okay.  I didn’t meet their standard – today.  In the meantime, I’ll wear their t-shirt and make sure I pass the test next time.

Lessons from the Tortoise and the Hare

In the children’s classic, The Tortoise and the Hare, a hare who ridicules a slow-moving tortoise is challenged by him to a race. The hare soon leaves the tortoise behind and, confident of winning, decides to take a nap midway through the course. When he awakes, however, he finds that his competitor, crawling slowly but steadily, has arrived before him.

Pace is not a word you often hear associated with leadership. Webster’s online dictionary defines pace as “rate of movement”.   Upon a closer look, however, pace is an element successful leaders carefully utilize.

Effective leaders have a vision for their organization, division and team.  Pace is the rate at which you achieve that vision.  The question becomes how you choose to get there and leaders typically follow one of two paths:

The Hare:  If you want to get there fast, go alone.
Perhaps the greatest leadership trap is patience.  The leader owns the vision and has a clear picture of the future.  He needs those around him to see it too, as well as embrace the energy to achieve that vision.  It’s important to remember that as the leader, you have “lived” with the vision longer than the team.  And because you are dealing with individuals, not everyone moves at the same speed in understanding the direction you want to go.  And if a leader isn’t careful, he will move ahead of the team and leave them behind.  And ultimately, the team never fulfills its vision.

The Tortoise:  If you want to go far, take others with you.
This approach is the landmark of a successful leader.  With a clear vision in place, the leader takes the time to communicate to the team in a way that engages each person.  Every team members truly sees the potential that can be attained as well as their individual role in achieving it.  The result is a team that takes the journey together.  It takes longer, but perhaps this team will ultimately create an even greater future than the leader originally envisioned.

So leaders…you know “where” you want your team to go.  The question is: how will you get there?

New Managers: Do you have these four skills in your toolkit?

Congratulations!  You made it.  You got the promotion.  You finally earned the title you’ve had your sights set on.  Now what?

The truth is many new managers experience a real challenge in finding their niche in their new role.

The primary reason for frustration is understanding that the skills that earned the promotion are not necessarily the same skills that will make you a successful manager.

Why?

Often, employees are promoted for their tactical or industry expertise.  “Bob is a great accountant so let’s promote him to manage the accountants.”  The truth is – we actually set Bob up for failure.

For those of you who have been promoted from within the ranks or are a new supervisor, here are four skills that will ensure your success as a leader:

#1  Horizontal versus Vertical
Doing the job – whatever it was – required great depth of skill.  You knew your role inside and out.  As a leader, your span of control has expanded to include not only the performance of each person on your team (and their vertical perspective), but also understanding and managing other departments and relationships across the organization, in other words, the horizontal perspective.  This can be one of the hardest transitions for a new leader.

#2   Tell ‘em where we’re going.
The most important information you can share with your team is a sense of direction.  You may not be the creator of the strategic plan, but you can help the team know how they fit into the bigger picture.  Be the point of contact for information and be generous in sharing it.  It’s your first step in keeping your team engaged.

#3 You are the coach – not a teammate.
For leaders promoted from within the team, this is the one of the hardest transitions.  It is critical that you begin to think and act like a coach versus one of the team.  It starts with setting clear expectations and most importantly, realizing you won’t have all the answers.  But honest feedback for both positive accomplishments as well as areas of improvement will earn the trust and respect of a new team.

#4 Get out of the way.
A big part of your job sounds crazy but you have to get out of the way and let your team do what they do well.  Your role as leader is more of a project manager which means in part, you remove barriers that get in the way of your team’s progress. 

Every new role requires a learning curve.  With these four skills, your confidence and success as a new supervisor can really take off.